Laurens Wildlife Rescue
  • Home
  • I found a wild baby - what do I do?
  • How can I help?
  • Contact us
  • FAQ
  • This week in wildlife

Losing clinical distance 

6/26/2014

30 Comments

 
Y’know, one of the first things you learn as a wildlife rehabber is clinical distance. You erect barriers to protect your emotional stability and your sanity. You love the wildlife in your care, you provide the best care in your power for that wildlife, you celebrate releases and you mourn euthanasias—but always with that clinical distance. “Poor baby, I hated having to put him down” and you go about your business, because other babies need your care and if you obsess over the ones you lose, you’ll go crazy.

But every now and then one little critter will slip past those barriers and win your heart. When he’s healthy and eventually releasable, it’s not a problem, because as much as you love him, he grows up to be exactly what nature intended: a beautiful, healthy young whatever-the-species.  And you’re delighted to see him take his rightful place in the wild.

When that baby that’s slipped past those barriers and won your heart is unhealthy, though, and you struggle to keep him alive, consult other rehabbers and your vets to make sure the care you’re providing is, in fact, the best possible…and then you have to make the heartbreaking call to euthanize, it will rip your heart into shreds and twist your guts inside out.

I had to make that call today on a sweet little baby who hadn’t just slipped past those barriers of clinical distance; he’d plowed through them like they weren’t even there.

I had to euthanize the heron chick.

He’d been going downhill pretty much from day one; I was just too caught up in his cuteness to accept that. The only day he actually ate on his own was the day he arrived, starving after going 24 hours with no food. From that point onward, I had to sit him in my lap and hand feed him. He stood on those stilt-like legs only two or three times during the first few days; then he settled down in the nest and refused to stand again. He began to spit food out, and still I hand fed, pausing longer and longer between pieces of fish to give him time to struggle to swallow. He nearly doubled his body weight in just 10 days because of the hand feeding…and Tuesday evening, he crashed. He couldn’t keep anything solid down. He shrieked when I touched him. He sprawled with his wings outspread as if something was broken.

I was up all night checking on him every couple of hours; Wednesday morning after I had all the other birds fed, I tried him on songbird formula, figuring we had nothing to lose at this point. He was able to keep it down but was still struggling  to swallow properly. I called waterfowl rehabber Grace Krick in Connecticut, who’d been my go-to when this little guy came in. We had discussed my proposed treatment plan and she agreed that it sounded like what she’d do. We’d talked again when he started having to be hand fed and she was worried about that but agreed that as long as he was eating, well, maybe he was just younger than we originally thought and would grow out of it.

This time, as Grace listened to my description of his crash and questioned me as to his pre-crash behavior and so forth, she sighed and told me that it sounded as if I’d been fighting a losing battle from the get-go. I knew she was right; we debated whether I should go ahead and euthanize or give him another day. I decided on another day.

Later that afternoon, I decided to take him to the vet, as well, for x-rays. Maybe his parents had fed him a fish with a lead sinker in its body or maybe he’d stumbled over the edge of his nest and managed to break a bone. I was grasping at straws, trying to find SOME fixable cause for his condition. Vet Peggy Hobby at Smalley’s Animal Hospital listened to the same details; watched portions of the videos that, looking at them in the cold, hard light of day, clearly showed his decline; watched his current behavior; and suggested that it was possibly neurological, which could be from lead poisoning. We did the x-rays. Nothing. No lead, all bones were perfect…Maybe parasites? Peggy agreed to run a fecal to be sure. No parasites.

Basically, we had a bird who was slowly losing musculoskeletal control and no reason we could find for it. Peggy said whatever it was , it was progressive and degenerative and admitted that he probably didn’t have long but said to try antibiotics, if I wanted, just because we had nothing to lose. She knew I wasn’t ready to euthanize just yet, so she didn’t even mention it. I started antibiotics and even extra calcium upon arriving home. (He’d been getting calcium and avian vitamins on his fish, per a rehab manual that had a section on herons, but hey—any port in a storm, right?)

Through all this he remained fairly alert but was so weak he couldn’t even hold his head up. By this afternoon, he was unable to right himself when he somehow flipped onto his back. It was time to call it.

I euthanized this sweet little heron who had won my heart, and then I slumped against the wall and bawled like I haven’t bawled over a rehab in years—gut-wrenching, loud sobs, followed by childlike snubbing—for about 15 minutes.

And then I wiped my face and mixed up more songbird formula, put out a mouse to thaw for the screech owl, and fed the baby possum, because even in the midst of death and grief, life goes on and other babies have to be fed.

That, my friends, is the harsh reality of a rehabber’s world.

Picture
30 Comments
Bernice
6/26/2014 01:21:24 pm

My condolences. He had such personality, not to mention great feathers for hair :) I had printed his picture out, and hung it above my calendar, he caused a great many chuckles. I didn't even know him, and I miss him. He showed you still care, that's why you're so good at what you do.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 02:19:58 pm

Thanks Bernice.

Reply
Catherine Fisher
6/26/2014 01:32:33 pm

rest well little one and know you were loved and now you are missed...

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 02:20:30 pm

Thanks Catherine.

Reply
Ann Feldman
6/26/2014 03:48:35 pm

Heartbreaking. But you tried like mad and I can see why you fell in love. I guess some creatures do not thrive and we don't know why. My maternal grandmother lost three children in early infancy. These days they probably would have been savable, and some day maybe babies like this heron will be savable also. Tears wash the eyes and let us see better. Keep up your excellent work.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 03:53:39 pm

Thanks Ann.

Reply
Anne Golden
6/26/2014 04:14:09 pm

Oh, Vonda, i am so terribly sorry. What a loss and so heartbreaking for you -- I am heartbroken along with you.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 04:21:30 pm

Thanks Anne.

Reply
Linda Adams
6/26/2014 05:28:14 pm

I so can identify as I've rehabbed hundreds of Black-crowned Night Herons, Green Herons, and Egrets. My heart goes out to you. Those little guys are so prehistoric, yet they have just enough of a personality to touch your heart. Just a thought so we can learn, did he get thiamine (B-1)? I wish you the best and bless you for what you do.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 07:17:05 pm

Thanks Linda. He got B-1 in the avian vitamins, but not as a separate supplement.

Reply
Pipette
6/26/2014 06:04:46 pm

I'm so very sorry to hear about that charming heron. The searing pain you felt is conveyed poignantly by what you've written.

That heron was very fortunate to have been in your care. You gave him every possible chance to live the life he was meant to have, and that's what matters.

My genuine sympathy on this particularly painful loss.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 07:17:53 pm

Thanks Pipette.

Reply
Cheryl Ann Kingston
6/26/2014 07:07:40 pm

Dear Vonda,
I truly feel your heart break. Although mine were not "rehabs" mine were beloved pets ... and the love is just the same, the heartbreak just as real.
You have a special gift that can only come from God, because few could have the compassion and strength to continue, day-after-day the way that you do. You show all of these babies love and treat them with dignity and respect ... they are not just animals ... they are living beings!
Thank you, for all that you do to make life better for these lost little souls. Thank you, for the ones you are able to release, but thank you more, for the ones that don't make it ... because of you, they knew love ... and love matters.
You are truly and angel and I thank God for you.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/26/2014 07:18:38 pm

Thanks Cheryl.

Reply
Jodi Swenson link
6/27/2014 12:28:12 am

I was crying with you, I have a couple of those heart ripping cries a couple of times a year.
I could relate to every word and every emotion.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:19:17 am

Thanks Jodi.

Reply
Kelly
6/27/2014 02:26:49 am

Vonda, I concur with the comments made above by Pipette and Cheryl: you ever so poignantly conveyed the searing pain in your heart. I sobbed as well as I read of your tearful mourning and then your pulling it together for the other babies still depending on you. You are a rock. Like Cheryl, I thank you more for the ones you care for in spite of their decline, who experience love and grace and dignity in their short lives because of you. I repeat, you are a rock, a safe harbor for so many creatures who need a loving, knowledgable, patient hand to nurse them to health or to peace. God bless you and keep you. Again quoting Pipette, my genuine sympathy on this particularly painful loss.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:19:51 am

Thanks Kelly.

Reply
Debbie Screws
6/27/2014 02:29:58 am

Speechless and sobbing with you. I know you'll keep on doing the right thing.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:20:28 am

Thanks Debbie.

Reply
Frank Wiley
6/27/2014 03:17:13 am

God, I know how you feel. I've had a Mississippi Kite & a Red-shouldered Hawk in care for a couple of weeks. I'm a big tough raptor handler guy,but losing the miki just broke my heart... The RSHA will be released next week...

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:21:54 am

Thanks Frank. M.Kites are easy to fall in love with, too, I know.

Reply
Wendy Alvarez
6/27/2014 03:24:58 am

Oh, no, Vonda….. I am so terribly sorry to hear this news. You know I fell completely in love with this little guy and now can only imagine your sadness about this loss. You did all you could and at least helped him leave this world in the best possible way. You are extraordinary and if this any consolation, please know that we all hold you in our thoughts and feel your sense of loss.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:22:28 am

Thanks Wendy.

Reply
Susan Ahalt, Ironside Bird Rescue link
6/27/2014 04:50:43 pm

I can relate. Just a couple weeks ago I got in a 2-3 week old GBH chick whose two siblings and one parent were killed when the nest tree came down. I was told it was almost impossible to raise a heron chick but I had to try. RUFUS had an attitude and altho I had a hard time getting him to eat. He didn't like sardines or salmon so I finally ended up using AD. When I switched to shrimp and pinky rats he started thriving. One thing that may have been a problem with your little guy is metabolic bone disease. I was told they are very prone to that. I gave him 1/2 of one of my 600mg calcium (no vit D) and a pinch of Vita Hawk every day. He is now living at a facility in UT with their orphan heron and both are doing well. Check out my blog to see photos of my little boy and his BFF. Keep trying because every day brings such joy when it all works out.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/27/2014 04:59:01 pm

Thanks Susan. As I said in the post, he got calcium supplements and avian vitamins with his food--and x-rays will actually show weak/thinning bones and his didn't--so MBD seems unlikely.

Reply
Elizabeth H link
6/28/2014 07:08:13 am

Oh Vonda, I am sorry! I was so looking forward to hearing about this little guy's progress! I was hoping he was a Blue Heron, although that was unlikely. I'll keep you in my thoughts, hoping you'll feel better soon!

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/28/2014 07:49:44 am

Thanks Elizabeth.

Reply
dmortii
6/28/2014 02:47:56 pm

I am so sorry. U gave it your all. More than anyone else might have. Thoughts r with u.

Reply
Laurens Wildlife Rescue
6/28/2014 03:27:45 pm

Thanks dm.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    October 2008
    September 2008
    August 2008
    July 2008
    June 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008

    Categories

    All
    Baby Birds
    Baby Deer
    Baby Opossums
    Baby Possums
    Baby Rabbits
    Bluegray Gnatcatchers
    Carolina Wren
    Common Loons
    Epd
    Fawns
    House Finch
    Mbta
    Migratory Bird Treaty Act
    Mockers
    Mockingbirds
    Orphaned Birds
    Orphaned Deer
    Orphaned Fawns
    Orphaned Opossums
    Orphaned Possums
    Orphaned Rabbits
    Orphaned Wildlife
    Squirrels
    Wildlife
    Wood Ducks

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.